The Guilt We Hold After Their Passing

It's hard enough to say goodbye to a deep soul bond, a connection built on trust, love, understanding, and the kind of connection that could move mountains. As we mourn the loss of their physical presence, guilt is quick to fill the space in your heart that feels empty or broken. Whether it's something you could have done differently before or during their passing, an argument you had beforehand, or just replaying it in your mind, trying to figure out what you missed and if it could have been different. The list truly goes on and on. If your mind is anything like mine, it will work in overdrive until I think of something I could have done differently, wishing I had more time before saying goodbye.

This past fall and early winter were no exception when I said goodbye to Oly and Maggie. They were my rocks, teaching me without a single word. I wouldn’t be where I am today or have the wonderful memories I cherish without their presence in my life; for that, I will be forever grateful. Oly left this earth at the end of October. I knew I had to make that decision months beforehand, but it still took all my strength to call the vet. I could hardly get the words out because I was choking back tears. I know in my heart it was the right decision. He knew too, and that day was incredibly hard, but peaceful in many ways. I was with him until he left this earth. We were at peace, but it didn’t take long before questions started ringing in my mind: did I make the right call? Could I have done something differently? I wish I could have spent more time with him in the last couple of years. Having my first baby, I didn’t always get to see him as much as I would have liked. All those thoughts keep circling my mind.

Then, my beautiful Maggie May left us just a couple of weeks later. Her health had been gradually declining, but suddenly it worsened drastically. What started as a routine check-up to see what could be done turned into a crisis within just a few days. One day, she simply gave me a look and said, "I am ready." Her mind was made up, and that was that. From the moment I saw her, I felt guilty all over because she had to wait a day and a half for her appointment. It broke my heart to see how exhausted she was in so many ways.

This is still difficult for me to talk or write about, but I know deep down that I cannot carry this guilt anymore. The more I managed to let go, the more I felt the presence of Oly and Maggie. It suddenly became clear that negative energy was blocking not only the memory of all the wonderful moments but also my ability to sense their spiritual presence. Their souls never left my side, but I couldn’t feel them through the negative haze; it felt like I was drowning in it.

Now I am not saying it is as easy as snapping your fingers and saying I no longer feel guilty, but it is a process. Please be easy with yourself. You will have good and bad days.

I am not an expert on the topic, but I have experienced it myself and have held space and guided others with their beloved animals.

Keep in mind . . .

Regarding the thought of 'oh, I could have had more time with them,' I will be a bit blunt— in the most loving way possible. You are not God, source, the universe, or any higher power you believe in. No one knows how long we have in our physical bodies on this earth. I repeat that for everyone, dogs, cats, horses, and others. They might have a long, happy life, or they might leave too soon, or the one who you could watch go through pain. No matter what you do, we don’t have control over this, so why are we acting as if we do? Humans like to control everything, even things beyond our control. It can be frightening to surrender to the unknown, but honestly, we don't really have a choice. You can fight it or accept it. It's your choice, and the one that uses far less energy.

Fill the space . . .

When your animal leaves, it can feel like a hole is left in your heart, your connection, and your life. Often, people fill that void with guilt, pain, and hurt. Space becomes mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual, whether we like it or not. So, let’s make a conscious effort to choose what fills that space. For example, loving memories you can feel in your soul, gifts or lessons they gave us, or stories that bring a smile to your face with just a hint of the memory. If you need to write them down and reread, when you are feeling low, remember...

They are always with you.

If you listen to nothing else in the blog, that's okay, but please, please, please listen to this next part. They are always with you. No matter what, you build a bond that can stand the test of time. They still love you and guide you at every step you take. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. You just need a little faith. They are free from their physical bodies. They are the best parts of themselves. Your relationship isn’t gone; it has just changed. So, grieving over their physical presence is normal, but when you're ready, a whole new relationship can be built with their soul if you are open to it. They can guide you in magical and wonderful ways; I know it's not the same. I would give anything to hug Oly and Maggie one last time, but that doesn’t mean I can’t connect with them every day.

If you're struggling to feel connected, write them a letter, sit in their favourite place, or do whatever helps you feel close to them. There are no rules. Do what feels right for you and ignore all the other noise.

I promise you one thing: they love you and simply want to see you happy. Live your life to the best of your ability. They will be cheering you on in every way possible. You are never alone.

With Light and Love,

Whit